


Close Enough to Normal to Get By

by tomatopudding



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, First War with Voldemort, Fluff and Angst, Order of the Phoenix (Harry Potter), Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-23
Updated: 2020-02-23
Packaged: 2021-02-28 06:20:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 757
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22869244
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tomatopudding/pseuds/tomatopudding
Summary: It sometimes gets to be too much for James, things moving too quickly. Lily doesn't always see it.
Relationships: James Potter/Lily Evans Potter
Kudos: 9





	Close Enough to Normal to Get By

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt: "Can we pretend like we're normal for once?".

Everything was going so fast. It seemed like only yesterday his biggest problems were exams and Quidditch and pranking. And of course he had known that it couldn’t last forever, had known about the problems brewing, had been so gung ho about joining the cause. He didn’t know what he thought it would be like, but it certainly wasn’t this odd double-speed life. Fast-tracked Auror training, a speedy courtship, a baby on the way. It was almost too much. Not that he didn’t love Lily or the life growing inside of her, but he often wished that they could just slow down and breathe. He’d hoped that the pregnancy would do that, but Lily seemed to want to be even more involved than before.

Lily was an absolute spitfire, spending long hours at Order headquarters although she was at least not allowed to go on actual missions (she’d protested, of course she had, it was their first big row since the wedding and afterwards they hadn’t spoken for three days). She made up for it in her tactical mind, marking positions on maps and planning, using the information they were able to get from their spies and moles. She couldn’t help but take the work home with her, covering surfaces with scraps of parchment covered in notes from multiple hands, advanced books of charms and spells. 

She liked to talk through her thoughts and James had learned that she wasn’t really looking for an answer (except occasionally when she was) and James could get away with simply humming in agreement of whatever she said, enjoying the simple monotony of preparing their dinner, chopping vegetables, the knife rocking back and forth.

“James?”

Breathe in. Chop. Breathe out.

“What do you think about the--”

“Damn it, Lily!”

He hadn’t realized just how hard he was gripping the knife, knuckles white around the handle as he slammed it down on the counter. The silence rang out and James noticed that he was trembling slightly.

“Can we just pretend,” he began, his voice wavering slightly, “like we’re normal for once? Can we just have a night where we just...don’t talk about the war or the Dark Lord or how distant Peter is getting or how tired Remus is all the time or how I’m afraid that Sirius is going to get himself killed or--”

Lily’s elegant fingers wrapped gently around his wrist, pulling his voice from him. He forced himself to release the knife and allowed her to turn him towards her. Her beautiful green gaze caught his and James found himself blinking against the burn.

“Okay,” she said, her other hand coming up to rest on his cheek, thumb stroking gently, “okay. No more, I promise.”

James leaned into her touch, covering her hand with his and holding it there against his face. After a long moment he turned to press a kiss to the center of her palm.

“Dinner should be ready soon,” James murmured.

“I can finish it up if you’d like.”

James was shaking his head before she even finished speaking. “No, I want to. I like doing it.”

With another small smile, Lily stepped away to let him get back to it and set about clearing space on the table.

Later that night they curled together in bed, James wrapped around her with his hand on her belly, his breath warm and gentle behind her ear. 

“I know it’s not easy for you,” Lily said suddenly, softly, “and I know I promised no more war talk tonight..but I need you to tell me sooner when you’re feeling this way. I know that I can get a little obsessive.”

“That’s part of what I love about you,” James murmured against the back of her neck, “it just...gets to be too much for me sometimes.”

  
Lily snuggled back against him further, promising herself that she would also make an effort to pay more attention to her husband’s moods and emotions. All things considered, they hadn’t been living together very long (Hogwarts didn’t count, there had been somewhere to go to get away from each other there) and they were still trying to figure out all the nuances. They would get better in the future, she knew it, but for now they just had to make sure to be enough for each other, to hold each other up. Things would only get worse before they got better, but she had to hope that they  _ would _ get better. That was the only way to make it through.


End file.
